~Я†R~

angels-and-angles:

Why the friendzone is bullshit and self-proclaimed “nice guys” are misogynists

Wow, accidentally deleted my original post. Reblogging so I can keep it in my archives.

——

As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…

“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”

and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”

Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?

From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.

Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?

Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no.”

While there are too many guys out there like this, this argument has one glaring flaw. There are many people who feel “friendzoned” by the object of their affections because that friend of theirs won’t tell them “I love you.”

When you really love someone, and they tell you that they want to stay friends, they usually say they don’t want to ruin their friendship. As if being in love with the person who understands you more than anyone else would ruin a friendship. As if constantly daydreaming about lazing around entangled in each others’ arms all day would ruin a friendship. As if telling each other that they’re each others’ favorite person, everything they ever wanted to spend time with would ruin a friendship. As if people who love each other shouldn’t also be each other’s best friends at the same time.

I got “friendzoned” by someone who I thought was my ultimate love. I didn’t want to start a love relationship just to fuck her. I wasn’t making an investment and expecting dividends. I was expecting her to be my one and only, and all she did was give me half-assed rejections and let me know every time she fucked some guy who she just met. Now, I hate her. Now, I can’t fucking stand her.

And you honestly think that someone like me is angry at her because she wouldn’t put out for me? I bared my soul to her. I trusted her. She couldn’t care less if I lived or died. She built me a huge illusion and walked away before she could watch how I would react when it all came crashing down around me.

No, me and her were not meant to be together. She was not destined to be my one and only. If she’d said yes to me, it would have ended anyway…. that’s because nobody but Asmond could possibly understand why I think and act the way I do, and nobody but Asmond would ever want as much to do with me as he does. His care for me is unique. My care for him is unique, and completely a mirror image of his affections, even down to when the affections started. Our orbits around each other are perfectly in tune and aligned.

But the bitch who “friendzoned” me was a cruel and cold-hearted person.

(via videoflesh)